Who Am I Kidding
by lightmylumiere
Summary: Elphaba lived, she always knew it. But she didn't expect to find her living with Fiyero, having thirteen kids, or her daughter falling for her best friend's son. Told from the POV of Logan, Elpie and Fiyero's daughter. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

*Hello, fellow Ozians!  
>I have been meaning to post this for... Let's see... Since the summer before seventh grade? Well it's been two and a half years. Now I'm brave enough to post it.<br>DISCLAIMER: I don't own Wicked obviously. I own the kids though, the lots and lots and LOTS of kids.  
>WARNING: written like a diary. this is a musical-world Wicked fic with book-verse characters. Couples are Fiyero-Elphaba, Glinda-Boq, Glinda-Chuffrey and my originals paired with mostly originals. Hm. Let's see how it goes.<br>Review me please!*

September First  
>Do you ever know what it's like to stare up at the stars and forget your roof is gone? Or to be living a lie? Today is one of those days. Shiz University, a second year, where I will only learn of my mother. If what they taught were true I would never know it, I wouldn't exist. And to make matters worse, my roommate is a huge gossip, can't tell her an ounce. Her name is Elizabetha Linda Goode, she told me, and is the princess of Oz: daughter of Queen Glinda. I must never mention my mum around her.<p>

Later  
>It's not like mum to get me a journal. But she insists writing is better than following her footsteps. And I'm glad to be able to write, you're the only person I can tell the truth. Unlike my mother, my uniqueness is discreet. My hair shows I'm short-tempered, from how green it is. Directly a trait coming from my mother. My roommate is part of why I'm short-tempered. So is my family, my family of thirteen, Orayn at Shiz also. My life endangers the more I write about my family. Orayn Tiggarul makes this ever so much harder, leading an ordinary life. Don't ask me how, but I'm certain he'll blow our cover. <p>


	2. Chapter 2

September Second  
>I was right. Orayn is one step closer to ruining my student life, my perfect reputation as a student. Blasted twin. He's going to destroy our entire family: starting with my mother, and taking the rest of us down with him. And it's all having to do with his date with Elizabetha. She doesn't even know we're related though, praise the lord! The stupid blonde: with her fluffy blonde curls and blue-gray eyes and body that looked like it was she was sculpted. I loathe her. My mum told me to tell the truth, but my life wouldn't be he same if it weren't a lie. So who am I kidding? <div> 


	3. Chapter 3

September Third  
>Mum always has the smartest things to say, she's smarter than you may think. And Orayn could've killed mum last night, halfway there at least. Well I have class, so I had best move on.<p>Later<br>Queen Glinda is here. Don't ask me why, don't ask me how: I don't know. But it's slightly scary. I have a hunch, a hunch that's very bad: she's here for us Tiggurals. But she seemed rather giddy and blonde, more than I expected from one of mum's only friends. She couldn't be that mad at us.  
>Gently curled blonde ringlets framed her small face, which was barely wrinkled despite how old she probably was, the rest in a bun of gold. Elizabetha and her mother were wearing identical pink dresses, odd to me. Not only that, but when she looked between me and my brother, she started muttering nonsense and looking at a picture in her bag. A picture... Of our dad. Orayn is practically identical to him. "Fiyero..." She whispered and shortly after swooned. I'm leaving tomorrow for home, going to warn mum.<p>

Even Later  
>Queen Glinda just left, too curious I tell you. Elizabetha is asleep. She doesn't understand what my fear of her mother is. I wrote a letter to my twenty-seven year old sister Alexandra; whom is now living in the Emerald City. But around there she is less of herself than I am here: you catch her in long dresses and thick dark boots to cover her green feet with her ebony hair in a large knot, much like our great queen. I can't write anymore. See you later. <p>


	4. Chapter 4

September Fourth  
>Father is here to pick me up. He grabbed my trunk and chucked it in the back with mum, who is in a fine pink dress and hat wrapped in a large blanket, and Cara who is four. They're as worried as I am, at least mum is. I don't think Cara really cares. It's frightening to find out Queen Glinda and Betha are coming to stay a weekend, by mum's request. And I will not be going back to Shiz, I am going to take care of the triplets, who were born right after I went back to Shiz.<p>Later<br>My life is currently a dream, staring at the huge poppy field and the cotton candy sky. Cara fast asleep against my trunk, far enough away mum can sit with father until we get home. Then we're home soon enough. Elsabelle gets the door and let's us in.

Barely later  
>Home sweet home. My room, now really mine since Alexandra moved out permanently, and the room is soon to double as a classroom. Small pillow mattress in the corner, desks in the other. Time for dinner.<p>

Midnight  
>Alexandra is back... sadly. She got a message from mum and she's staying for a while. She's been engaged for two years and still unmarried. Odd, isn't it? <p>


	5. Chapter 5

*Thanks for waiting for September fifth!*

September Fifth

I am cooking with Alexandra; father is at work, and mum is still asleep. And though I'm biased, I'm a WICKED cook. Starting a feast fit for a queen, so Queen Glinda has a chance of eating it. Mum's ravioli with beef and cheese filling, vegetarian sauce, biscuits and honey butter, and fruit. Probably not as much as they're used to, but I've been BREAKING MY BACK SINCE FOUR THIS MORNING SO THEY ARE GOING TO SHOVE IT IN THEIR MOUTHS AND GRIN AND BEAR IT!

Later

Father just got back, and mum woke up five minutes ago. She's getting everybody ready. Alexandra, mum and I are braiding every girl's hair (sorry father). All my sisters have rich ebony hair and green ribbons, but I am the other way around. All of us kids are wearing our blue dresses and jackets. I look like a Von Trappe. We all look WEALTHY and FINE (in other words, EW). Not like our guests, who are finer than us. Alexandra, as well as the res of my family are in ivory heels or boots. "Like a model"... Mum thinks she knows.

Later than later

Well this hair dye is wrong. Alexandra picked this up for my hair, because she said it makes people stare at us. Yet, she has green feet, and she's worried about me?

Can it get later

Queen Glinda is FINALLY here. Elsabelle gets the door, (is she the bellhop?) her nails dark green. Queen Glinda was more scared than I was, Orayn and Betha behind her. Alexandra not only tried to snatch my hair dye, but took our guests to the parlor. And of course, nobody is in there but our guests. We bring in tea and crackers before the meal. And today I took the task of preparing mum's dress from Shiz, I barely noticed they're in the same outfits as they are in the pictures. Orayn and my little sisters, Katie and Lauren, are fitting father into the green suit mum made him. Wow.

Yes it gets later

After thirty minutes of observing our guest, I learned five things:

1. She breaks out in song a little more often than mum and father.

2. Very elaborate and emotional when it comes to fashion, politics, or ANY mention of Elphaba Thropp (Tiggarul) and Fiyero Tigraal (Tiggarul, she doesn't know they are married. Or alive!)

3. Incredibly good liar.

4. Felt we didn't know the story of mum, most of it at least. Did I mention mum and father wrote it as a script, song, novel and tell it every night? Now you know.

5. Faints ALOT.

Number five I only learned when mum waltzed in with father. But she didn't see HIM until he dumped a pail of water on her fading pink dress. Out again.


	6. Chapter 6

September Sixth

It's crazy here... Mum and Queen Glinda never stop talking. Once again, I'm working to make mum's sugar bread served with eggs and a hearty portion of gruel. Not much, but it's enough.

Later

It's almost lunch. I've been assisting ANYWHERE I can, trying to avoid the never-silencing parlor. And sitting in the one window, boarded up all the others. Only Orayn and I are allowed up there. But I found out 10 things about Glinda and mum, and 5 they share. It's cool.

Lady Glinda Chuffrey née Arduenna-Goode

1. Once known as "Galinda with a 'guh'"

2. Loved father, though married to a man named Boq.

3. Has three daughters: Athena, Betha, and the third to whom I cannot remember their name. It's something weird, like Tangerine...

4. Lives in a mansion in the center of the Emerald City.

5. An emotional wreck.

6. Elongates a lot of words.

7. Scarcely mentions work to her family or even anyone else.

8. Feels that beauty and popularity are the keys to politics.

9. Makes the Ozians less scared by lying to then about every little detail.

10. Worries about mum's safety.

Elphaba Thropp-Tiggarul

1. Called Elphie.

2. Had a sister named Nessarose.

3. Has a family of 10: father, mum, Alexandra (27), Logan (me, 18), Orayn (18), Tiffany (15), Elsabelle (12), Katie (10), Lauren (7), and Cara (4).

4. Rather wise and books smart.

5. Can't believe this bizarre twist of fate happened to her, well, us.

6. Can keep a straight face on the best day of her life.

7. Keeps secrets, but for a reason.

8. Believes fashion is a necessity, but not your whole life.

9. Stays inside a lot.

10. Glinda's secret friend.

Both:

1. Have pictures of each other in their bags.

2. Can fool others easily.

3. Ask children to keep diaries.

4. Have a twisted history with each other's husbands.

5. Sing dramatically.

So there you have it.


End file.
